


The Pineapple Text To Rule Them All

by cleo4u2



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky hates pineapple, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Gratuitous use of Tolkien, Light Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Pineapples, Steve is a nerd, Stucky - Freeform, Wrong number, cap!steve - Freeform, modern!Bucky, shrunkyclunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 07:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8789599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleo4u2/pseuds/cleo4u2
Summary: Bucky texts a random number to see what happens. Lucky him, he gets Captain America.OrThe one where Steve talks in Tolkien and Bucky woos him with pineapples - kind of





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [The Pineapple Text To Rule Them All](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107512) by [M7nico](https://archiveofourown.org/users/M7nico/pseuds/M7nico)
  * Translation into Русский available: [Чтоб Единою Ананасовой Волей Сковать Их](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12507940) by [2crazy4thisworld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/2crazy4thisworld/pseuds/2crazy4thisworld)



> Beta'd by the glow cloud herself. All hail, [NurseDarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/profile)

**Unknown Number** : If you like pineapple slices on pizza, I hope you like them on your children’s graves because you’re weak, your bloodline is weak, and you will not survive the winter.

Steve stared at his phone, uncertain if he should take the text message seriously or not. It was the kind of thing Tony would send. It was also the kind of thing Clint would send, if he was catching the reference to winter correctly. Which he probably wasn’t. And why would either of them send him a text from a different cell phone? That was Natasha’s M.O.

 **Steve** : Who is this? Stark? If it’s Clint, I don’t understand the reference and you can buy your own pizza. If this is Natasha, did you hit your head?

 **Unknown Number** : Oops. Wrong number, sorry.

Narrowing his eyes at the response, Steve had a flash of paranoia, wondering if this was some kind of test by S.H.I.E.L.D.

 **Unknown Number** : You know Tony Stark?

 **Steve** : There are a lot of Starks

 **Unknown Number** : I didn’t see a no in there. How do you know Tony Stark? Is he cool? Does he wear the Iron Man suit all the time? Do the Avengers all gather in the Tower and hang out and watch movies like they say on the internet?

Steve snorted.

 **Steve** : Very funny, Fury. I’m not falling for it.

 **Unknown Number** : Who’s Fury? Is he a friend of Tony Stark, too? I’m Bucky. Bucky Barnes. I was trying to txt my sister.

His sister?

 **Steve** : You told your sister her bloodline was weak?

 **Unknown Number** : It’s a quote from a yearbook.

 **Steve** : A yearbook quote? About pineapples on pizza? Okay. Seriously. Who is this?

 **Unknown Number** : Bucky. Barnes. Who is this?

 **Steve** : None of your business.

 **Unknown Number** : Oh, come on. I told you my name.

 **Steve** : You guessed about Tony. Guess who I am.

 **Unknown Number** : So you do know Stark!

Steve smiled.

 **Unknown Number** : Okay, um. Well. There are a lot of people in the world, give me a hint.

Steve hesitated, then thought, what the hell? The conversation couldn’t get any weirder.

 **Steve** : I am old, Gandalf. I don't look it, but I am beginning to feel it in my heart of hearts. Well-preserved indeed! Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.

 **Unknown Number** : *whistles* Wow, Tolkien. So I know you’re smart. Gimme another.

Squinting at the phone, Steve hesitated, before going for more Tolkien. It was, after all, his favorite series.

 **Steve** : And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.

 **Unknown Number** : Did you just refer to yourself as the one ring? Dude. That ego. Maybe you ARE Tony Stark

Laughing, Steve opened his contact list and added the unknown number as Barnes, Bucky. Display name: The Winter Pineapple. Then he returned to the messages.

 **Steve** : I’ve put you in my phone as The Winter Pineapple. You know, since I won’t survive the winter because I like pineapple on my pizza?

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Oh, gross. You actually like pineapple on your pizza? You’re as bad as my sister

 **The Winter Pineapple** : I’ve put you in my phone as The One Ring.

Laughing, Steve stood up, walking to his kitchen to get himself a drink.

 **Steve** : Giving up, then?

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Here’s what I got so far: 1) You’re old. Or you feel old. 2) You’re an egomaniac, like Stark. 3) Ok, I didn’t really get your last clue.

Grabbing a gatorade, Steve leaned his hip on the counter.

 **Steve** : One of the Kings of Men born into a later time, but touched with the wisdom and sadness of the Eldar Race. He was a captain that men would follow, that he would follow, even under the shadow of the black wings.

 **Steve** : Okay, that really does sound pretentious

 **The Winter Pineapple** : gtfo

“JARVIS,” Steve asked the air, “what does gee tee eff oh, mean?”

“The acronym stands for ‘get the fuck out’, Captain.”

Steve snorted.

“Thanks JARVIS.”

 **Steve** : Don't you know my name yet? That's the only answer. Tell me, who are you, alone, yourself and nameless?

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Wow, you are REALLY good at this Lord of the Rings stuff. Do you have it memorized?

 **Steve** : Tolkien is my favorite author. I’ve read the trilogy dozens of times

 **The Winter Pineapple** : The world needs to know Captain America is a huge nerd. Can I tell them?

 **Steve** : Like they’ll believe you

 **The Winter Pineapple** : You could be lying to me

 **Steve** : A man sometimes wearies of distrust and longs for friendship

 **The Winter Pineapple** : lol

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Well, even if you’re not Captain America and a big liar you’re LOTR knowledge speaks to me

 **The Winter Pineapple** : It tells me you’re a massive nerd

 **Steve** : Says the man who has recognized every quote

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Yeah, but I don’t like pineapple on my pizza

 **Steve** : There’s nothing wrong with pineapple on pizza

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Whatever, nerd. Just remember that when winter comes

Shaking his head, Steve pocketed his phone and headed for bed. The Avengers had training early the next morning and he would be expected to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Except, four hours later, he was still awake when he got another text message. Knowing sleep was still far off, he picked up, and promptly laughed. Apparently, Bucky couldn’t sleep either.

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Why Lord of the Rings?

 **Steve** : Why aren't you sleeping?

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Why aren't you?

Steve debated not answering but then went with his patented fuck it approach.

 **Steve** : Insomnia

Laying his cell phone on his chest, he tucked an arm under his head and stared up at the ceiling. With Bucky’s reluctance to answer his question, he wasn’t really expecting a response. Not when they were little better than strangers. To be honest, Steve wasn’t sure why he was answering at all himself.

To his surprise, however, a text message came in a few minutes later.

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Nightmares. Kind of like insomnia?

Steve hesitated again, then typed in.

 **Steve** : No, the nightmares are worse.

 **The Winter Pineapple** : You get them, too?

 **Steve** : You served. What branch?

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Marines.

 **Steve** : A jarhead? We can’t be friends anymore

 **The Winter Pineapple** : We were friends? I was friends with Captain America? No! Steve, take it back!

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Whatever. You just Ain’t Read for the Marines Yet

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Get it?

Steve snorted at the acoronym.

 **Steve** : I get it. Very funny.

 **Steve** : They make you see someone? They make me see someone.

 **Steve** : Probably shouldn’t have told you that.

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Don’t worry, nerd. Your secrets are safe with me. Don’t believe me? Have Stark check my security clearance.

Smiling, Steve ran his fingers over the edge of his phone and wondered just where Bucky was. If he was actually named Bucky. He still wouldn’t have put it past Fury to set this up, but Bucky seemed so…real.

 **Steve** : Fear nothing! Have peace until the morning! Heed no nightly noises!

 **The Winter Pineapple** : Good night to you too, Steve

\----

 **Steve** : What’s your favorite book? Or author

 **The Winter Pineapple** : My favorite book fluctuates by which books I can remember at the moment. My favorite author is Dean Koontz.

 **Steve** : I haven’t read much Koontz.

 **The Winter Pineapple** : My favorite book is Fear Nothing, but the Odd Thomas series is fucking amazing. You won’t be disappointed.

Steve wasn’t. Nor was he disappointed by Bucky’s recommendations for music, movies, and television. They watched the new Stark Trek movies at the same time, texting back and forth, Bucky explaining the easter eggs from the old movies, and Steve clarifying which technology was and was not real. They argued the merits of Tolkien, Dickens, Mark Twain and C.S.Lewis. The latter, only introduced to Steve once he had defrosted, but he had devoured the Chronicles of Narnia and the Screwtape Letters at Natasha’s suggestion.

Two weeks later, Steve was out for coffee with Natasha when she asked, “Who is the winter pineapple and why has he sent you a picture of a pineapple?”

Spinning from the counter, Steve snatched his phone out of Natasha's hand.

“A friend,” he hedged, looking at his phone to see that Bucky had, indeed, sent him a picture of a pineapple.

 **Steve** : ?

“So this is the guy you've been texting all the time,” Natasha said with a smile. “What's his name? When do I get to meet him?”

Steve scowled.

“You're not my mother and never.”

“Aw,” Natasha said sarcastically, “I'm hurt. Seriously though, what's his name?”

“How do you know it's a he?” Steve asked petulantly

Rolling her eyes, Natasha picked up her drink and led the way to a corner table. Once Steve had sat as well, she leaned forward, elbows leaning on the table top, and sipped from her drink while eyeing Steve speculatively. Realizing he had no reason to hide this, he sighed.

“Yes, okay, it's a he. His name is Bucky.”

“Bucky? Is that some kind of online screen name?”

“He says that's his real name. He says he accidentally texted the wrong number instead of his sister’s.”

“You don't sound like you believe him,” Natasha said watching him closely. “So why do you keep talking to him? Does he know you're Captain America?”

Scowling harder, Steve stared at the pineapple on his phone. Bucky had still yet to answer, and Steve wasn't sure why his friend had sent it in the first place. Natasha, however, had hit close to the niggling doubts that lingered every time Steve spoke with Bucky. He knew nothing about the guy. Not where he lived, not where he was from, not even if his name was actually Bucky Barnes. He could have asked Natasha, or Tony, to find the guy, but that seemed like a massive breach of trust. He just couldn't go through with it.

Shaking his head, Steve took his first sip of coffee. 

“I don't know that he's not telling the truth,” Steve said. “His name could be Bucky, or he could be lying. Does it matter? He's funny, nothing I've told him has made it to the press, and he understands my references.” 

Natasha chuckled.

“Someone who understands your references, that really is rare. Does he get your jokes too? Because that would really be something.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve took another sip of his coffee. It was some newfangled latte that Tony had introduced him to. Expensive as hell, but it tasted amazing.

“As a matter of fact, he does. I think he's funny, too.”

“Steve,” Natasha said gently, “I can tell you really like this guy. Whenever you're texting him, you smile. It's the most any of us have ever seen you smile. Who cares if Bucky isn't his real name? Invite him to the Tower. If he knows you're Captain America, he knows that's where you live anyway.”

Shaking his head, Steve pulled his cap lower over his eyes.

“Nat, this is the first real friend I've made outside of the Avengers or S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't want to fuck it up.”

“Meeting him isn't going to fuck it up, Steve,” Natasha said, sipping her cold coffee drink. One eyebrow rose toward her hairline and he winced. “Or is this more than just a bromance? You got a crush on this guy, Steve?”

Flushing to his roots, Steve glared at Natasha.

“What are you suggesting, Nat? You saying I'm queer?”

Again, Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Steve, in the future, no one cares if you're gay. No one cares if you’re bisexual. No one cares if you're straight. At least, they shouldn’t. Anyone who does, and has a problem with it, is a fool, an idiot, or just sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong. It's okay if you like this guy as more than just a friend. Does he like you?”

“It's not like I've asked…”

“So you do like him?”

Ducking his head, Steve shrugged a shoulder.

“I don’t even know what he looks like.”

“Ask him to movie night,” Natasha insisted. “Just as friends. See how you two get along in person. Maybe he likes you too, maybe he just wants to be friends. It'll be easier to tell in person. Don't be chicken.”

That did it. Steve felt the challenge in her words, and felt his chest swell in response. He didn’t doubt Natasha was telling the truth about no one caring if he was queer, even if the mere thought was a little daunting. The thing was, a lot of things had been daunting since he woke up. This wouldn’t be the last.

“Fine, I'll ask him.”

“Haha,” Natasha said, her expression one of skepticism, “I'll believe it when I see him next Saturday.”

\----

“Captain Rogers,” JARVIS said when he and Natasha arrived back at the tower, “there is a package waiting for you at the front desk.”

When he glanced at Natasha, she just shrugged, and waved as he got out on the first floor. The receptionist smiled at him, dimples and all, and handed over a pineapple. Steve’s jaw dropped, but he took it and looked hurriedly around.

“Oh,” the petite blonde woman said, “he’s not here anymore. Mr. Barnes had an appointment on the thirty-fifth floor, but that was about an hour ago.”

Steve stared at her, then at his apparent gift.

“What’s on the thirty-fifth floor?”

“Prosthetics division, Captain,” she answered.

If Steve had been a weaker man, he would have swayed on his feet 

“Uh, thanks,” he muttered, heading back to the elevator.

On the way up, he tapped out a message to Bucky on his phone.

 **Steve** : I got your gift. Why didn’t you stay?

 **The Winter Pineapple** : I hate pineapples

 **Steve** : But I would have been here?

When he reached his floor without a response, Steve felt like a complete idiot. Why would he assume Bucky wanted to meet Steve? Just because he wanted to meet Bucky?

 **Steve** : Sorry

Though he cut up his pineapple, took it to the couch, and put on the next episode of Criminal Minds Bruce had recommended, Bucky didn’t text back. Not after the fourth episode, or the fifth, when Steve finished the pineapple and finally forced himself to go to bed. Inviting Bucky over wouldn’t be any trouble, now that Steve had literally chased the man off.

\----

 **The Winter Pineapple** : I have passed through fire and deep water, since we parted. I have forgotten much that I thought I knew, and learned again much that I had forgotten.

Steve stared down at the text, shocked it had come at all, let alone in the format it had. A Tolkien quote. Not that it put into context the three days of silence from Bucky since Steve had made an ass of himself and Bucky had left him a pineapple. He was sure by now he would never hear from Bucky again.

“Steve?”

Looking up at Tony, Steve then looked around the briefing room to find every eye on him.

“Want to share with the class?” Tony asked.

“Uh, no,” Steve muttered, putting his phone face down on the table. Almost it immediately it buzzed and he couldn’t help but snatch it up again.

 **The Winter Pineapple** : The road must be trod, but it will be very hard. And neither strength nor wisdom will carry us far upon it. This quest may be attempted by the weak with as much hope as the strong.

“Steve?”

Natasha this time, but before he could put his phone down, it buzzed again.

 **The Winter Pineapple** : I’m downstairs. If you still want to meet me.

Ignoring his team, heart in his throat, Steve quickly texted back.

 **Steve** : You haven’t talked to me in three days

 **The Winter Pineapple** : I’m an asshole?

 **Steve** : I’m in a meeting

 **The Winter Pineapple** : I was scared

 **The Winter Pineapple** : You’re Captain America and I’m a broken wind-up soldier

 **The Winter Pineapple** : When you actually meet me, you won’t be nearly as interested

The messages came in quick succession, as if Bucky was typing them out as fast as possible. As if he was trying to convince Steve not to put his phone down. To be fair, it was working.

 **Steve** : Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?

 **The Winter Pineapple** : I am downstairs…

“I gotta go.”

“Wait, what?” Tony blurted. “Steve… Briefing?”

“Yeah, uh, carry on?” Steve said, getting quickly to his feet. “Don’t need me, right?”

Hurrying out the door, he heard Tony shout after him, “But you called the meeting!”

In the elevator, JARVIS said, “Good luck, Captain,” when he stabbed the button for the lobby.

“Thanks, JARVIS,” Steve said, excitement and nervousness clawing at his chest. What he was nervous about he didn’t know, nor why he was excited. Bucky had never said he was interested in Steve. Steve had never said he was interested in Bucky. Yet, the thought of meeting Steve had panicked Bucky, had made him afraid enough he’d avoided Steve for days. That had to mean something. Friends didn’t panic like that.

Right?

When the elevator reached the lobby, Steve stepped out, pushing his hand through his hair. He had no idea what Bucky looked like, but he was shockingly easy to spot. Standing by the reception desk, he had a pineapple in one arm and the other…

The other was missing.

When he saw Steve, Bucky straightened up, obviously recognizing Captain America without the need for a prop. Steve was struck dumb by Bucky’s appearance. Dressed in a green, long-sleeved shirt, a grey hoodie and tight black jeans, he had long brown hair tied back at his neck. Steve’s eyes lingered on Bucky’s chiseled jaw, his pink cupid bow lips, and defined cheekbones. The man was gorgeous, more attractive than Steve had ever imagined. Hell, he had a cleft in his chin, and movie-star, grey-blue eyes.

It had to be the arm that brought Bucky’s self-confidence so low, because the man himself.was walking eye candy.

“I am looking for someone to share an adventure,” Bucky said as Steve approached, “but it’s very difficult to find anyone.”

The quote was wrong, but Steve couldn’t have cared less.

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,” Steve replied quietly.

Bucky blushed, and looked down. Then he thrust the pineapple at Steve.

“I didn’t memorize any more quotes,” he muttered. “Look, I… I’m sorry. You’re… And I’m…”

Steve stepped closer and took the pineapple from Bucky’s hand.

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future,” Steve said gently.

Head snapping up, Bucky frowned at Steve.

“You makin’ fun of me, Steve?”

Seriously, Steve said, “Never laugh at live dragons.”

Bucky’s lips twitched.

“A dragon, huh?”

“Come upstairs?” Steve asked, motioning to the elevator with the fruit. “We can talk in private?”

“Uh, sure,” Bucky said, his voice showing his continued uncertainty. Yet, he followed when Steve lead the way. JARVIS opened the elevator doors for them, then closed them behind and it started to rise.

“I can’t believe you’re actually Captain America,” Bucky blurted.

Steve snorted.

“Yeah, I go by Steve most days.”

At his floor, they stepped out of the elevator and Steve lead the way into the kitchen as Bucky looked around the apartment Stark had outfitted for him. It was a nice place, but it was a little too nice for Steve’s taste. The only upside was it kept him close to his team, his family in the future. He adored having them nearby.

“Nice digs,” Bucky said, stopping across from Steve at the island.

“Being friends with Stark has its perks,” Steve admitted. He set the pineapple on the counter, pulled out a cutting board and a knife, and looked at Bucky. “So why’d you stop texting me?”

Bucky shoved his hand over the top of his head.

“You…sounded really disappointed I hadn’t stayed.”

“I was,” Steve admitted.

Wincing, Bucky stared as Steve began cutting up his fruit.

“And sometimes, your texts are a little...,” Bucky took a breath and rushed through his next words, “And sometimes your texts are a little flirty, and it made me think that, you know, maybe you were interested in being more than just friends. And that made me panic because you’re amazing and I’m…me.”

Steve watched Bucky with a frown.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with you, but,” Steve held out a slice of pineapple, “that doesn’t sound like you’re not interested.”

“Are you kidding?” Bucky blurted. “Of course I’m interested! You’re…a sex _god_. I’m missing an arm, and I have nightmares, and PTSD, and you -”

“Have nightmares and PTSD,” Steve said, eating the slice of fruit Bucky had ignored. He smirked when Bucky promptly made a face. “I have a highly dangerous job that keeps me and anyone in my life in the media’s eye.”

“And you like pineapple,” Bucky said dryly.

“I’m just the worst,” Steve confirmed, setting down the knife and stepping around the island. Bucky’s eyes grew wide, but he held still as Steve came closer.

When he stopped, putting a hand on Bucky’s hip, to draw him in, Bucky blurted, “You’re going to taste like pineapple.”

“Mm,” Steve confirmed, “Willing to make that sacrifice, Buck?”

The blue-grey eyes flicked to Steve’s lips and back to his eyes.

“You really don’t mind I’m disabled?”

“Not in the slightest,” Steve murmured, leaning closer. “So, you wanna taste?”

Bucky flushed, let out a strangled moan, and pressed their lips together. The kiss was messy, Bucky clinging to Steve’s shoulders, but it was incredible. Bucky sucked on Steve’s tongue, nipped at his lips, and left him breathless when he pulled back.

“Oh,” Bucky murmured, “Maybe pineapples aren’t so bad.”

Steve grinned, leaning back in for more.

“Nice to finally meet you, Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky’s eyes were already closing as they fell into another pineapple flavored kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> [Follow me on Tumblr ](http://cleo4u2.tumblr.com/)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Pineapple Text To Rule Them All](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107512) by [M7nico](https://archiveofourown.org/users/M7nico/pseuds/M7nico)




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